Not over
by live.for.the.summer.28
Summary: The early weeks when Katniss was in District 13. What was going through her mind. R&R! One-shot.


He's gone.

It keeps echoing inside my head over and over again. I can't make it stop. I keep pressing pillows over my head thinking maybe it will stop. It never does.

It never will.

My whole body aches when I turn over on my too big bed. It doesn't even feel like I'm lying on a bed. It feels like nothing. I've gone numb.

"Katniss," a worried voice calls out to me. It sounds far away. Maybe I've gone too. Now this person is shaking me. What do they want?

"What," I say. I don't know if I spoke loud enough or if the person could even understand it. I keep my head and body under the covers.

He's gone.

"Katniss, look at me," the same voice calls again. This voice sounds younger, sad. At least it isn't Gale or my mother; I can't stand to see their sad and pitiful looks. For some reason, I make myself pull the pillows and blankets from atop of me and sit up.

When I come face to face with Prim I'm shocked. She is usually with my mother down in the hospital. Prims young face stares at me with concern. She's making the same face as Gale and our mother did. It makes me mad.

"What do you want," I ask a bit coldly with my eyes squinted, I didn't know there was a light in my room. It blinds me when I lock eyes with Prim.

"I wanted to see how you were doing."

I look away from her scorching eyes guiltily. All she wants is to see how I'm doing and here I am acting like a baby and a brat.

"I've been better," I finally say to her. She sits on the bed next to me and forces me to look at her.

"You miss him." I narrow my eyes at her, knowing where this conversation is headed. If I didn't want to have this conversation with Gale or my mother then there is no way I'm talking to her about this. I'm supposed to keep her away from all my pain and everyone else's.

"Who," I ask my voice cracking. I sit looking at my hands twisted together hoping she won't say his name out loud. The silence is almost deafening as I wait.

"Peeta,"

At first nothing happens but then it hits me. The longing and desire I have for him washes over me with full force. I shut my eyes wiling the tears to stay where they are. His face comes to my mind in a second. His blonde curls and bright blue eyes come to my memory perfectly. In my head, I see us lying on the roof in the sunshine smiling and relaxing. The memory is so peaceful and perfect that I want it so bad. Another memory comes to my mind it's us kissing in the sand at our second Hunger Games. My stomach stirs just thinking about it.

"Katniss, are you okay? Talk to me!"

I raise my eyes to Prim's frightened eyes. I'm supposed to be keeping Prim safe from all of the pain there is in this world, even my own. It tears me apart that Prim has to see me this way, broken beyond repair.

"I failed him Prim, I failed him," I say in a whisper not caring when tears run down my face. At this moment, I want nothing more than for Peeta to be lying next to me, for us to be fighting the nightmares away together. But I failed him. I couldn't keep my promise; I couldn't save him from Snow. Before I know it, the two words I fear to say out loud, come out.

"He's gone."

It burns my throat and stings my eyes. You would have thought that I cried all my tears out already. We have only been in District 13 for a few weeks.

"Katniss," Prim says interrupting my thoughts, "Peeta is not gone. He will come back one day. I know he will." I stare at her wishing that what she just said would come true one day but I can't get my hopes up anymore.

"Please," I tell Prim my eyes burning into hers "go away. I don't want you here." It takes all my strength to say this but I know that it's for the best. If she is going to have any chance of surviving this world she needs to stay away from me. So, I watch as she picks herself up and walks through the door giving me a look.

I pretend not to care but it hurts seeing her walk away from me. I am just trying to protect her she will find out one day. Besides, nothing she can do will get me out of this bed. She's tried, Gales tried, and even my mom has tried. I almost wish Haymitch would come out of hiding so that he could try. I want to talk to someone who knew and loved Peeta just like I did.

Even more than that, I wish that I could have kept my promise to Peeta. He deserves to live in a better world than this.

I lay back on the bed, keeping my breathing steady when a thought appears to me.

The Games have not ended just because we are out of the arena. Oh no, the Games have only begun.

Maybe my dying wish will come true. A smile forms on my lips and I let myself drift off dreaming about my boy with the bread.


End file.
